I believe that self-help book really do help. I will just cite some from wiki How and expand it as I go.
1. Love yourself. Ahh.. this one is pretty easy for me when I tried it out. It took awhile to finally realize though that all I need is myself to live. After series of mishaps, All I need is me, ergo, I have to love myself. To be cute, sweet and humble is my motto, and up until now, I still follow this simple rule and I am glad it is working and will definitely work in years to come with my better half. I want to make sure that I love myself enough that I won't make him the center of my universe, because after all, the Sun is! LOL Kidding aside, making oneself indispensable takes a lot of love of yourself that you can confidently say "Hey, I can move on if you don't take me as I am coz you can't find anyone like me." I only say this if I know I have something that many girls have a hard time having. Now that I am my way to my ideal weight and body built, I guess I can finally brag about this soon! (I remembered when I went to the grocery, an old man approached me recently and told me that I have a fine body--which I still have to disagree yet. and he said if he is a young man, he would pursue me. That cracked me up!--I bragged about it to my man! :P)
2. Share a good laugh. It is quite a common denominator among sweethearts to share good laughs coz it creates sparks, but I should be more specific about this good laugh as something spontaneous, not planned nor staged just to put laughter in your relationship, it has to be effortless. It just comes naturally in me to make myself funny. I tested that with my buddy Peter who has been a good friend since way back when. No one can beat our tandem, that's why when I met the guy of my dreams, it is just so effortless how I become funny simply because I have shared enough good laughs with people close to me that it is contagious that I get to share it with my guy. Fun, fun, fun!
3. Pace yourself. I loved this rule a lot. I learned that by slowing things down takes time and patience. My patience was truly tested, that I even want to give up. Forcing someone to love you makes the other even more scared to take the next big step (like marriage for example). It will happen naturally just like how it takes time to form a perfectly shaped vase from a mold of mud (Ok, that doesn't seem like a good example lol).
4. Get to know the person inside and out. Let's start from the outside first, since it is more noticeable. I have the habit of looking at a guy at different angles. First comes the looks---Is he someone I can brag about and be proud of, not just how good looking he is, but how his personality is at par or beyond my friends and even my family's expectation. Second, his habits and pet peeves. Does he smoke? Can he clean up after himself? Does he drink? What kind of food does he eat? Does he enjoy outdoors, travel and fitness? and the list will go on, and of course you'll find that out in a month or two when you guys get to spend time together, at each one's home or outside. All I really go for is quality food, fitness (now that I got addicted to it), travel and cooking. All else will follow if I see all these. Lastly, financial stability. Call me a gold digger, but I vehemently disagree with you because first of all, I have a full-time job and I spend my own money. What I meant by this is, he should be man enough to pay for his own or our date and even insist (I find that a turn on), not take money from me even if I offer, unless we are married. I did this once with my failed marriage. Where did it take me? Nowhere. Being financially stable matters. If your guy is a happy-go-lucky type with no financial goals, RUN! There is nothing for you and you will end up as a sugar momma. It didn't get to that point from my past experience because that's what I am afraid of, being the hunter when I should be the one to be hunted for---pretty pre-historic but has worked for thousands of years. If you want to be married with that guy, he has to bring home the bacon, or else, you are asking for a vacation trip not more than 200 miles away, cheap dinners or worst, fast-food type anniversary lunch, a greeting card gift or pitiful of all---Nothing. I may sound mean, but outside factors do matter. Ok, so much about it, let's now go inside this fella's heart and mind. Remember, a guy is an intellectual creature and less of an emotional one. It is stimulating for a guy to challenge his mind but NOT the mind games that girls are used to do! Lucky for me, I am not that type. I am straightforward, and at times mostly intellectual and logical than emotional (I blame this for my seizures) I tend not to be swayed with emotions because scientist as I am, I tested my hypothesis -- As emotions take over, the more likely that you won't achieve what you want, and I repeated my experiment more than 3 times on different occasions with different men and I get the same result (I wonder if I can use Stats to interpret my data!LOL). Therefore, I come into a conclusion that it is more beneficial to be more logical than emotional when dealing with men. Of course I won't deny that I sometimes burst into tears, yell and even bang stuff and be violent at times, but I try as much to suppress it, or better divert it to other stuff. Silence is also another that I learned to doing, but not empty silence---Silence to mindfully figure out how I can mend or deal with the situation so I won't resort into being emotional. Going back to stimulating a guy's intellect--I like men who are smart and intelligent--doesn't say "Fuck" or "Asshole" no more than once in a month! He has to be polite to me and to his friends and most importantly to his family. A guy who can talk to me about the stock market to galaxies and conspiracy theory is my type of guy. A guy with not much to say bores me---these types can just last with me for a month or two (weekdays not included! lol) Fortunately, I can sense that on the first date, that's why when I met my guy the very first time, it was the longest first date I had. 4 hours on a friday night and continued with another 8 hours the next day (I don't consider that 2 dates coz we agreed to continue the next day since he has to go home to the barracks (what a gentleman!LOL) I like talking to a guy who shares the same interest like me--Science, News, Trivias, Dogs, Travel but not entertainment (it's reserved to friends only!LOL) When he carries a conversation about any of these mentioned, I have to be able to say something about it, otherwise, if it sounded like scripted, or your wavelength didn't meet, your love story will be a total flop.
Ultimately, you and the other person have to have the same morals and principles. If your guy/girl doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage, you have to be at peace with yourself that you aren't too. Can you live without it or even the people close to you take it? Are you ready to be told that you are not the girl/guy they see marrying in the future? Personally, if a guy tells me that he loves me but not enough to marry me, I'd leave him in a split second. There are lots of fish in the sea and I am confident enough with myself that I'd find the one that I deserve. I will never ever settle for anything less. I am not a martyr to suffer, and carry the burden with another person who has completely different direction that they want to take which I don't want or dream of taking. All it takes is a matter or clear mind and determination. I feel bad for those who just settle for someone that will just end up disappointing them over and over---they will just be filled with empty promises, flare moments but their light in their candle will be kept on getting lit by sparks from time to time but not constantly lit and it takes too much effort, energy and matter wasted according to the laws of physics.
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