Going the Distance

I tried being in a relationship that takes effort and patience despite the difference in timezone. I realized I need to work on the patience part. It is all coming back to me and I feel that I need to start working on it if I want to make sure I hold on to my relationship very well when I experience another. It is not that I don't trust myself, nor my other half, It is more like a nightmare that will haunt me once again. I kind of feel that I should go for it since unlike my situation before, I am here to stay but not there. On the other hand, not so pleasant thoughts are intruding my mind and I know myself very well that my defense mechanisms may tend to be drastic and kind of to the extreme. I know I have found my happiness and no plans whatsoever to do business on the side. I am just too old already to go back to vices just to keep my mind away from worries, boredom, and emptiness. It is just not complete when you know despite how many individuals who can cheer you up, hang out and have fun, going the distance it still a barrier. 

I still would like to believe that absence can make the heart grow fonder, I do hope I would be able to when the time comes I have to. I am not the same person as I used to be and there might be a fear of meeting that old person again that I ended up despising, but then again, I cannot selfishly think of what is going to happen to me. I have to figure out how I can deal with it without the self-destructive patterns just because going the distance is getting into me and I could not handle it.